Searching my Crock of Shit File for some world affairs stuff to add to the Alert the Media/Orwell Was An Optimist section of banditobooks.com was a something of a challenge: but damn, there were just too many Crocks of Shit to choose from!

I did a word count of my Crock of Shit File and came up with over 22,000, and that doesn't count the wordage of the scores of web links that verify the Crocks of Shit as Crocks of Shit, and which often branch individual Crocks of Shit into other subject matters – sort of a Crock of Shit Family Tree -- wherein a whole other Crock of Shit surfaces for my Crock of Shit Appreciation. For example, the Crock of Shit I'm offering below is an offshoot of a Crock of Shit already in the Orwell section: The Crock of Shit the FBI spokesman told me when I asked him why the 9/11 attacks are not mentioned on Osama bin Laden's FBI Wanted page.

To recap that Crock of Shit: The FBI guy said that crimes for which an individual has not been indicted do not appear on the individual's Wanted page. A simple perusal of other Wanted pages exposed this Crock of Shit as a Crock of Shit. But this Crock of Shit was a Minor Crock of Shit, a Misdirection Crock of Shit, and not worthy of Crock of Shit Appreciation. It did put me on the trail of a Better Crock of Shit, though, an Oldie but a Goodie.

Let's take a little stroll down Crock of Shit Memory Lane:
A leading expert on Osama Bin Laden has officially gone on the record saying that he believes the so called "9/11 Confession" tape, released shortly after the attacks, is an outright fake that has been used by US intelligence agencies to deflect attention from “conspiracy theories” about 9/11.

Professor Bruce Lawrence, head of Duke University's Religious Studies program, joined Kevin Barrett last Friday on his radio show (gcnlive.com, 2/16/2007, first hour) in his first public interview since comments he made last year indicating that he believes Bin Laden may be dead and that many of the newer tapes are either fake or consist of old audio and video.

Are both these guys Osama bin Laden? If not, there's a Crock of Shit around here somewhere. (The fat bin Laden is the one from the CIA “Confession Tape.”) This Osama also uses the wrong hand to write with and wears gold rings, a practice totally in opposition to the Muslim faith.

The “Confession” video, played ad infinitum in the wake of the attack on Afghanistan in December 2001, was magically found in a house in Jalalabad after anti-Taliban forces moved in. It featured a fat Osama laughing and joking about how he'd carried out 9/11. The video was also mistranslated in order to manipulate viewer opinion and featured "Bin Laden" praising two of the hijackers, only he got their names wrong.

Last Friday Lawrence, citing informants in the US intelligence apparatus's Bin Laden units, told Kevin Barrett that everyone (at the CIA) knows the tape is fake, adding that the hoax has been kept alive because it is politically useful to those who wish to bolster the official 9/11 conspiracy theory that 19 hijackers directed by Bin Laden from a cave carried out the attacks.
What I like about the Confession Tape Crock of Shit is there's no need for Crock of Shit Confirmation from a prof with a Piled Higher & Deeper: You just look at the two “bin Ladens” and go, “Yeah, that's a Crock of Shit all right. A fuckin' doozey of a Crock of Shit.”

But how does this Crock of Shit connect with the FBI spokesman's Crock of Shit about bin Laden's Wanted page and why bin Laden has not been indicted for 9/11? It's pretty easy to figure out: In order to indict someone for a crime you have to produce evidence that he was involved in the crime. I mean, right? That's the way that works.
Turns out that the Confession Tape is the only existing “evidence” that bin Laden was directly involved in the attacks. And since the Confession Tape is a Crock of Shit, a Doozey of a Crock of Shit, the Washington crew figured it's best not try to indict bin Laden with it.

If it sounds ridiculous that there's no evidence against bin Laden – and on a certain level it is ridiculous – as it turns out, someone else had noticed the lack of mention of 9/11 on bin Laden's Wanted page, and, like me, had made some calls:

On June 5, 2006, reporter Ed Hass contacted the FBI Headquarters to learn why Bin Laden's Most Wanted poster did not indicate that Osama was also wanted in connection with 911. He spoke with Rex Tomb, Chief of Investigative Publicity for the FBI. When asked why there is no mention of 911 on Bin Laden's Most Wanted web page, Tomb said, “The reason why 911 is not mentioned on Osama Bin Laden's Most Wanted page is because the FBI has no hard evidence connecting Bin Laden to 911.” (Source: Teamliberty.net)

Please keep something in mind: I am not saying bin Laden had nothing to do with 9/11, nor am I advocating any “conspiracy theories”(let alone the Crock of Shit Conspiracy Theory in The 9/11 Commission Report).

I am merely offering some Crocks of Shit for your Crock of Shit Appreciation.

A Crock of Shit Warning

Hold on. That doesn't sound right. Let me try again:

A Warning About Crocks of Shit

The problem with Crocks of Shit is that at a certain point you get dizzy. Crock of Shit Appreciation can become Crock of Shit Overload. Or, conversely, Crock of Shit Overload can kick in before you even enjoy some Crock of Shit Appreciation. In fact, this is usually what happens.

I know whereof I speak here. Having been subjected to some Relentless Crock of Shit Doozies in my personal life – my sentimental favorite being “You've ruined me for other men!” -- and having done the research on how Crocks of Shit become Conventional Wisdoms – “It's too bad Allan's delusions are ruining his relationship with Lisa” comes to mind – at a certain point in my life I myself became a victim of Crock of Shit Overload, and I'll tell you, it was no day at the beach. (Click here for an overview of the book I wrote about the personal Crocks of Shit I subjected to.)

Here's how it works: You look around and see Crocks of Shit all around you, and you get dizzy. Dizziness is an unpleasant feeling so to ward off the dizziness you deny to yourself that there are Crocks of Shit all around you. Boom! no more dizziness! You suddenly feel just fine!

This is Crock of Shit Overload.

But I've made the Big Breakthrough. I have become a Crock of Shit Connoisseir. I now love a good Crock of Shit. Not only do I not get dizzy at seeing Crocks of Shit all around me, but seeing them has become not only a day at the beach but a barrel of laughs. For example, look again at the bin Laden the CIA tried to pass off as the Osama we all know and love. A real knee slapper!

Stay tuned for more Crocks of Shit!

• How the crooked bailout was passed by Congress

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ICU Pshychosis, an Explanation How the crooked bailout was passed by Congress